my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
