Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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