Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She's the barista slut.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
