JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
