my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
