Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
