She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
