i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't deserve a penis
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i think my cat just said my name.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
