Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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