so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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