You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
