vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
