so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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