I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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