Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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