just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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