shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
