I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
