Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
