I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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