Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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