So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
