I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
