i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
