apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
