watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
