OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
