wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
