Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
