His hands were made for my vagina.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
we're so committed to being not committed
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
