ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
