No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
