I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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