you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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