He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
