just come out here and I will go home with you...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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