her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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