I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
