So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
this hospital has no fireball
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
