You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
