broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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