that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
