she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
