Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
