i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
