not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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