Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
