I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
