:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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