In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it's like heaven, but drunker
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
