Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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