its not stalking. its research.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
