I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
