so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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