I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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