end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
