consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
