I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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